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How I made out with my yoga sutra exercise, or how I created guilt (it's my superpower)

7/6/2013

2 Comments

 
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ok, so my last post was about being asked to journal daily about how yoga sutra 4.34 came to me each day.  Well, let me tell you this was not an easy task for me.  You may be thinking, come on, it is just a little bit of journaling, get over it.   But for me it was more than that.  I learned a lot from the lesson.
1. I journaled some days, but most days I said to myself, this sutra did not come to me today, OR the story I have to tell about how this sutra came to me is too long, I don't want to write it all down, it will take too long.  Both these excused caused me great guilt.
2. The guilt I felt because I may or may not have written in my journal as much as I felt I should have, could have or wanted to was created by little ol' me.  (as I stated in the title, it is my superpower...tadadadaaaa  super guilt yogi, able to reduce myself into a pile of insecurity and unease in one giant leap) 
3.  Each time I felt this self created guilt, my sutra was speaking to me.....the irony......you see in my sutra it says that our mind can be clouded from seeing things as they truly are and these clouds can come from imagination or memory.   
4.  Here comes the mind blowing part.  I needed to feel the guilt of feeling like I had done a poor job, in order to learn the lesson I needed to learn and in turn being successful in my project! 
Soooo I have now learned two important lessons.
* I should be sure there is actually a stresser causing me stress before I allow myself to start getting all freaked out about whatever I perceive as stressful, scary, guilt inducing, the list goes on and on.  because I have learned I am great at creating (or perceiving) stressers where there are none.
*  If I am feeling emotions that may be a creation of my own mind and not an actual reason to feel freaked out, then I shouldn't be too hard on myself, because this is a lesson learned in time....and hey this is my journey, my walk home, in this time and place and I am going to enjoy the scenery along the way!  (even if some days I think the scenery is stressful or scary or guilt inducing, it's really just all in my head .sometimes.  hey, I'm not done learning )

2 Comments
Renee
6/6/2013 22:43:59

So awesome that you are doing this work...It takes a brave soul to be so vulnerable and share your experience in this way....Most people spend their lives doing the opposite they hide behind the perception of perfect they have created for the world to see and suffer silently....there is no growing and learning in a life full of silent self inflicted suffering..You my dear are an inspiration to all...I am proud of you and continue to support you on your journey to self reflection and learning...Let's continue to learn and grow baby sistah!!

When we use the yoga practice of svadhyaya—self-reflection—effectively, our actions become much more than a way to achieve something external; they become a mirror in which we can learn to see ourselves more deeply. If we are willing to look at behaviors, motivations, and strategies we habitually use to maintain our own self-image, we can use svadhyaya to pierce through the veil that this self-image creates and into the nature of our own essential being.
Gary Kraftsow

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Renee Rocks!!
6/6/2013 23:23:41

A few more toughts by yours truly...Jennifer you inspired me to speak my truth and journal today (It probably will not become a daily practice lol) but thank you for today! Je t’aime xoxo

I experienced the same thing when I was asked to create a daily 6 week meditation practice exercise...I am so grateful for this exercise...because of the lessons that I learned even if I failed miserably....lol
What I learned from all the guilt, the mind trips and the suffering that I caused myself because I could not do it, or stick to it or want to do it, was that: sitting down quietly for x amount of time at a certain time everyday was not for me...it is simply not in my nature...it is awesome for a lot of people...but not me...
I’ve had enough, and continue to experience, guilt, self inflicted suffering and self doubt throughout my life and the last thing I need is to add to it...Especially if it is being imposed on me by someone else idea of what is good for me(this is the rebel in me talking)...
I think I have finally figured out was is good for me.....It took me 43 years....but for the first time in my life I have glimpses of perfect blissful acceptance of who I am...All of me, the good the bad and the ugly!! It is all part of my charm... :)
I also learned that I do meditate, pray, express gratitude, practice yoga and/or self reflect daily...but it happens organically...when the moment arises, when I feel it in my heart...I do not have to force it ..It just happens in a way or a time that is good for me... That works for me....

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    Jennifer

    Just some of the things running through my mind.  Not to be taken too seriously.

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